Cleansing
by Athlete Girl
Summary: This is a Caryl one-shot formerly published as 'Carol and Daryl Connect'. I've gotten requests to weave the Caryl story in with my existing Meth story (Merle and Beth Connect) and I can't use this one-shot in it because the background is different. Thanks for your patience!


This story starts in the aftermath of the war with the governor, which culminated in the brokering of a peace deal by Andrea. Rick was forced to give up Judith to the governor who will raise her in Woodbury as his own daughter in exchange for sparing the lives of Rick's group who remain at the prison. After the surrender, Carol lay in her bed for two days without speaking or moving. When she rose she slowly resumed her daily activities of laundry and cooking for the group. She moved mechanically, her eyes distant, feeling as if she was drugged. She often didn't hear when others spoke to her and had little interest in happenings around her. When she had free time she lay in bed and stared at the wall.

Though everyone in the group was broken from the loss of Judith, Rick and Carol were the ones who fell apart. One day she absent-mindedly forgot to put coffee in the boiling pan and served everyone hot water for breakfast. She regularly burned food and delivered unwashed folded clothes back to peoples' cells. Two weeks passed without her bathing or changing clothes and she ate very little, often scraping most of her portion onto Carl's plate. The situation became dangerous outside of the cellblock. She wasn't alert enough to go on watch, which put pressure on the other members of the group to cover. She never saw the walker coming at her in the field outside the courtyard where she was picking dandelion greens - Glen barely got there in time to take it out before it got to her. She just stared woodenly at the rotting carcass for a few minutes and silently walked away. The group worried that her damage was too profound for recovery and that she would become a liability. Herschel tried to counsel her in her cell, but she turned her back to him.

It was early spring and Daryl awoke at daylight. Storms had rolled through all night and the air had a fresh smell. He made his way to the courtyard entrance and looked through the leaded window in the steel door to assess the weather. It was still drizzling and there was a clogged gutter on the corner of the building that produced a stream of water spilling over onto the ground. Carol was standing next to the stream, collecting the runoff in a bucket. She stood quite still and stared fixedly at the field while the bucket overflowed at her feet. "That's it' Daryl thought, grabbing the bottle of shampoo from the sink nearby, "I've had enough of this shit." Her back was to him as he strode towards her, and she jumped when he grabbed her by the back of the pants. She screamed and turned to see his scowling face, and flailed when he held her in the cold running water.

He was furious. "When you gonna WAKE THE FUCK UP Carol?! You're gonna get yourself or someone else killed because you're walking around like a goddamned robot. You ain't helping anyone else and you ain't takin care of yourself. And I've got news for ya - you fucking smell!" he raged.

"Stop it" she protested, trying to push him away. He kept her in a firm grip on the back of her shirt while he poured shampoo on her head and started to scrub with the other hand. Riding the adrenaline surge from the surprise she fought him, breaking his grip and turning to face him with anger.

"Why?" she yelled over the sound of the rain. "Why Daryl? Why do I need to be alive?" He faced her, glaring. "Lori, Dale, Sophia, Judith - I loved them. I loved them and now everything's gone - no trace of them but pain. What good did it do anybody?" She thought of the previous day when she sat alone in the lookout tower, staring into the black hole of the barrel of the pistol and planning to end it all to stop the pain. It was her bunkmate Beth calling her from the stairs that had shaken her away from those thoughts - she couldn't leave such a mess for a kid to clean up. She looked at Daryl and shook her head, wiping the shampoo out of her eyes..."I'm so tired." she whispered, and he could see that she was starting to shut down again.

He ducked his head and got into her face. He barked, "Hey, those people loved you back - but we can't change what happened Carol. Everyone has a fucking role here and we can't do without you. You told me back at the farm that you wouldn't let me pull away from the group. Now I'm tellin' you the same."

"Really? Is that why you left?" asked Carol steadily. "You went off to Woodbury to find Merle and you didn't even say goodbye? You DID pull away." She raised her eyes to his. He took a step back and was looking at her warily, uncomfortable. Her voice shook. "You left us." And in a whisper, "You left...me. Do you know what it was like for me to lose you?".

They stared at each other for a long moment, then her eyes shifted to a distant point over his shoulder and she appeared to tune into a mental dialogue with herself. Finally she winced and shook her head, coming to a decision. Ignoring him, she bent over, untying her boots and kicking out of her pants. Then she lifted her shirt over her head and quietly dropped it to the ground. She turned her back to him, looking at the brick wall in front of her. "Go on" she said. He hesitated - he was glad to see life in her eyes again. Leaving her had been the worst mistake of his life, but he sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that. And now what? He hadn't had much of a plan when he bolted out the door to dunk her in the water, he was just acting on frustration.

He heaved a sigh and stepped towards her, scrubbing the shampoo into her scalp with firm circular strokes. He lathered her hair and used the suds to clean the back of her neck and her shoulders. He stared grimly at the prominence of her shoulder bones - she had lost more weight. He would make sure that she stopped giving Carl portions off of her plate.

As he worked she scrubbed her face and neck with the lather and ducked into the stream of water to rinse. The water was cool and washing her face and hair did make her feel better. Daryl continued to work down her back, rubbing lather into her waist and the backs of her legs. He moved efficiently and kept his warm hands on top of her panties when it came time to soap her backside. When he finished, she turned to face him. His eyes met hers but he could not read her emotions. She made no attempt to move. He snorted softly and started the front side.

He began with her hands, moving up her arms to her shoulders and massaging the part of her chest not covered by her bra. He soaped her stomach then squatted down to wash her feet and made his way up the left leg, then the right leg. She wobbled, off balance, and placed her hands on his shoulders. He squeezed a little more shampoo on his hand then stood up, tossing the bottle aside and her hands dropped to her sides. She gave him the ghost of a crooked smile before dropping her eyes. God she was beautiful, standing there flushed from the cold water.

In the pre-zombie world he had got by on whiskey and one-night stands, he didn't hang around and he certainly didn't discuss feelings. The realization that he was closer to Carol than anyone he'd ever known had hit him on the road before they secured the prison, but he always drew away when she got too close. Why would she want an uneducated redneck anyway? Now the smell of her was in his nostrils and he knew he wanted all of her. He leaned in towards her so their foreheads almost touched, and slowly moved his hands to her breasts to soap them over her bra. When he ran his thumbs over her nipples her sharp intake of breath made him instantly hard. He lowered his head to nuzzle her ear and her hands went to his waist. He continued to play gently with her nipples, pulling them into hard peaks while he tasted her skin.

Carol could hardly breathe - was this really happening? Her chin tilted up and when he squeezed both of her nipples in unison she moaned. A rush of hot moisture soaked her pussy which began to tingle almost painfully. She put her arm around his neck for support. His mouth found hers and he kissed her hungrily, his tongue meeting hers. His right hand left her breasts and slowly trailed down her stomach, slipping under her panties and over her mound to finger her soft folds. Her breathing became ragged and her legs began to shake. "Please don't stop." she pleaded against his cheek. "Ah ain't gonna stop." he said hoarsely into her ear. She was warm and slippery against his fingers and her hips moved in rhythm with his strokes. He pushed his fingers into her slick opening and she sighed and squirmed against him, pushing her hips down against the motion of his hand. His cock was so stiff he was sure it was going to bust his zipper, so he unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants below his knees then removed her panties and threw them to the side.

Carol wrapped her hand around his hardness and drew him nearer. When his hips neared hers she wrapped first one leg then another around his waist, drawing him inside her. He braced against the brick wall and thrust into her, moving deeply and slowly. With the first thrust she cried out loud, swearing and saying his name. At the peak of each thrust his cock touched the top of her, sending small bursts of pleasure radiated from her core, soon she was quivering uncontrollably. When he nipped her neck she stiffened then came bucking against him, crying out in indescribable pleasure. As Daryl went over the edge he grunted 'Fuck!' and pulled out, ejaculating on her legs. He leaned against her with his hand on his cock, gasping and squeezing out the last spasms.

Thankful that one of them had the presence of mind to think of birth control, Carol put her hands on his face. "Oh baby' she breathed, "we'll fix that, I promise we'll fix that. Thank you. Thank you. I promise", she murmured. She kissed him softly as he caught his breath. When he had recovered he said softly "Get yer clothes on before they come out to look for us." They moved quickly to put on their wet clothes. She shivered, now wet and cold, and steeled herself for the upcoming conversation - she had been in love with him for some time and hoped that this wasn't an isolated incident, but you never knew with Daryl - he protected himself by pushing people away and on a good day he had the temperament of a rattlesnake. God, why would he want her anyway? Ten years older than him and a housewife, not much to offer when beautiful girls like Maggie and Beth were around. She cleared her throat, dreading the conversation when Mishon and Merle came around the corner, fully loaded for a zombie situation.

Where the hell you been baby brother? asked Merle. Michonne looked at them suspiciously. Carol was flushed and soaking wet, Daryl was openly glaring at them. "Getting her the fuck back in the group" he growled, tilting his head at Carol before he strode off to the watchtower.

Daryl was on watch all afternoon and mended the prison gate with Glen until last light. After several attempts at conversation it was obvious that Daryl was distracted and in a worse mood than usual so eventually Glen gave up and they fixed the gate in silence.

Daryl's mind was working furiously. Michonne looked like she was puttin' two and two together when she came upon Daryl and Carol in the courtyard. The last thing he needed was for the others to know his business. And fucking Merle with his caustic grin, he'd put it together too if Daryl wasn't careful. He'd sniffed out Daryl's interest in Carol the first week at the prison when Daryl left to help Carol with the dishes. "Well", Merle said, "I knew there was a reason you was in such a big hurry to get back here. At first I thought it was one of them two highbred fillies, but it turns out you got eyes for the old broodmare! You put the wood to her yet? She's probably not very peppy but I bet she knows her way around the block." "Fuck off Merle. You don't know nothin", Daryl snarled as he turned back to his cell. To be honest he'd never looked at Maggie or Beth that way, Carol was the one he cared to talk to.

And Carol - what the hell was that today? He hadn't had a fuck like that his whole life, Jesus she screwed him like her life depended on it. Was she regretting it now? Did she put her all into it because she was only giving it up once? She probably knows she'd be better off with Rick, he could give her more of what she needed than a hillbilly bike mechanic. And with Rick she'd have a family, she wouldn't have to mother Daryl all the time. When we get this prison back together me and Merle are probably better off leavin' he thought. The thought put him in an even fouler mood as he walked into the kitchen for dinner.

That night she lingered in the kitchen, avoiding Daryl who had only grunted in response to anything she had said to him at the dinner table with the others. She finished the dishes and set up tomorrow's clothes for the laundry, then sighed. Everyone was bedding down, this was the best time to catch him alone in his cell and clear the air. All day her head had spun with the memories of that morning and she had convinced herself that he regretted the entire incident. Break my heart now so I have the night to dissolve in private, she thought. She quietly climbed the stairs and made her way to his cell, telling herself that she absolutely would not cry when he turned her away - she was so tired of crying.

He was sitting in his bunk with his shoes off, repairing arrows by the light of a kerosene lamp. He looked up to see her in the doorway.

"Hey." she said, leaning against the doorjamb. "Hey yerself", he said. She chewed her lip as she looked at him. She looked fragile and lonely and he realized how much he missed his friend today. There would never be another woman in his life, of that he was sure. His head leaned back against the bed frame as he regarded her quietly. She saw his expression soften. She realized with relief that there was a trace of nervousness on his face - he was scared too. I guess I'll play all my chips, she thought. She smiled at him 'Is there room for two in there?". He smiled and lifted up the blanket "Come on." he drawled softly.

She beamed and it seemed to him that she lit up the room. She walked to the bed, took off her shirt and pants and slipped in under the raised blanket. He watched her as she removed her clothes and the soft lantern light played on her body. She was his and wasn't anything that was going to change that. When she relaxed next to him he realized that her body fit perfectly with his. He wrapped his arm around her middle and rubbed his beard on her shoulder. She stroked his face, still smiling, and he kissed her slowly, savoring her, slowly swirling his tongue around hers. He reached behind his head and turned off the lantern, knowing that the next few hours would be spent exploring this woman. My woman - I guess I could get used to that, he thought.

The prison cot was so small that they were practically on top of each other. "We're gonna need a bigger bed" he grumbled and she giggled into his neck. In the darkness she stroked his chest, eager to learn the countours of his body. They were interrupted by the sound of light footsteps coming up the stairs. A flashliight beam bounced down the hallway. Beth trained the beam on the ground and stood in Daryl's doorway. "Daryl, are you awake?" she whispered. "I am now", said Daryl testily.

"I'm looking for Carol. She's not on watch and she didn't come to our bunk. I looked for her in the kitchen but I can't find her and I'm worried. Have you seen her?". After a short period of silence, Carol said softly "Um, I'm in here honey...I'm OK. Don't wait up for me.". "Oh my God, I'm so sorry", said Beth. "I'll leave y'all alone. Sorry. And good night." And the flashlight beam bounced back down the stairs.

"God damn, ain't no fucking secrets around here", grumbled Daryl. And he felt Carol smile in the dark.


End file.
